Parece que siempre me tengo que disculpar con ustedes…de nuevo -I’m sorry. Dios mío, es que ya casi llegamos al final del año escolar. Si no eres maestro, no te imaginas todo el trabajo que se nos amontona cuando se acerca el final del año escolar…¡especialmente en la preparatoria!
Let’s continue… So by May of 1991, the huge metal hand that liked to clap itself against my brain was doing it more often. I didn’t want to go to school – controlling the urge to scream out, «¡CARAJO! ¿Por qué esto me está pasando a mí?» was almost impossible. While in class, I was constantly biting my lower lip, shutting my eyes and laying my head on the desk or asking to go to the restroom so I could sit in the stall by myself and cry. No quería que nadie me tuviera lastima. No quería que nadie estuviera pendiente de mí, ni que me estuvieran hablando en palabras diminutivas. I didn’t want to be anyone’s charity case…I helped others – I didn’t need anyone to help me!
May 28th was my grandparents’ birthday – and the party was held on a Saturday at my aunt Berta’s house in Panama City. As always, my mom brought the potato chips, dip, Oscar Mayer hotdogs and chocolate chip cookies for the celebration. My grandparents were so happy, surrounded by their kids, grandkids and friends – who were like extended family. Oscar, Carmen and my cousins were cramming Lays and cookies into their mouths and my uncles were enjoying their Cervezas Panama out on the porch. Me? I was sitting in the living room, overhearing my aunts gossip about the neighbors, watching my grandma pace in and out of the kitchen, and noticing how my mom tried to join in while keeping her eyes on me.
Did I mention I was chubby? Well, yeah…I was. I loved eating! I liked potato-chips, and cookies and ice-cream and cake. ¡Me encantaban las carimañolas frescas que hacía mi abuela! ¡La ensalada de aguacates y los cubitos de queso chedder con pedacitos de jalea de guayaba! But I couldn’t eat anything! Because the stupid doctor -who had no clue what was actually causing my headaches- forbade me from doing so. Besides the stupid doctor and his speculations…I had no clue what was coming up in a couple of weeks.