Holo de nuevo. Esto de ser maestra verdaderamente es vocación – todo lo que he calificado…¡Ni te imaginas!

So you know there was a time when my dad thought I was going crazy. It was fall semester 1990…

Fort Gulick was so small. I remember being able to walk with my brother Oscar and my sister Carmen from our house to the library, the youth center and to Shotokan class – without my parents. Thinking back – I miss those years of my life when my biggest worries were my grades, running fast enough in track, or learning the next move in karate.

Bueno, llegó un momento del otoño cuando me entraban unos dolores de cabeza tan fuerte que comenzaba a gritar de la nada. En cuando digo «gritar», no ‘hombre… ¡ni se imaginan los gritos!

After that one special journal entry about visiting heaven – I began to feel the jolting consequences of my request. The headaches – and “headache” is a euphemism for the thrusts I felt in the back of my head – would attack at any random moment of the day or night.

Once we were driving from Fort Gulick to Fort Davis – Oscar and Carmen were laughing, my mom was talking to my dad, I was looking out the window and then…AHHHHHHHH! My dad hit the brakes!

«¿Qué carajo fue eso?» he yelled. “Noemi, what’s wrong with your daughter?…Alex – what the hell is wrong with you! You’re gonna make us have an accident!” My mom tried to calm my dad down and explain – and even though he whispered, I heard him saying he thought I was going nuts.

I had no idea what was happening to me. My mom would take my to the pediatrician and all he would say was that I was under too much stress. The pediatrician said school, karate and track were too much for me. ¿Qué? Too much…the man seriously didn’t know what he was talking about.

It was right before the Christmas season. I had already established myself as one of the teacher’s assistants: helping other students with their work, helping plan little class projects, and visiting my brother in kindergarten as “the big sister.” I was excited about the class Christmas party – it was going to be awesome! We were going to exchange gifts, eat cake, lots of cookies and even empanadas! I was a huge fan of everything Barbie – and being the creative little person I was [and still am] I was hoping for a “Panamanian prima” for my Gringa barbies.

So I ate lots of chips, two hotdogs, and cake. I sang Christmas carols, but not too loud because when it came to singing in front of others, I was shy. And after Christmas bingo, I was ready to exchange gifts… Pero justo cuando íbamos a intercambiar los regalos… la espada fría del dolor atacó mi cuello y la parte de atrás de mi cabeza.

“Don’t do this to me now,” I thought – tears beginning to stream down my round cheeks. “How embarrassing – why did this have to happen right now?”

I tried to swallow my pain and dry my tears, but the throbbing would not stop. I lay my head on the desk and tried to do some deep breathing. Mrs. Chisolm picked out my gift and placed it on my desk. I remember that day, I got off the bus with my leather backpack draped around my left shoulder and the tan astronaut barbie with purple hair clenched in my right hand. Después de esa navidad, mi niñez nunca sería igual.